Club Penguin Talk Show!
by MoonHunter12
Summary: Welcome to Club Penguin Talk Show, where anyone from an average citizen to a member of the audience to an EPF agent can be interviewed by the one and only Comm. lead...Rookie. Oh boy. Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the story and Astra.
1. Lights, Cameras, Action!

**Hey guys! Remember me, MoonHunter12?**

**Decided to start my new story today, so I hope you like it!**

* * *

"Lights?" Dot asked, running through the last of the list Aunt Arctic gave her.

"Check." Astra pointed her clipboard at the set. Funny, Aunt Arctic could afford this huge set but claimed that money was tight when Astra asked for a new conference table after a mishap with one of Gary's inventions. Now they were stuck holding meetings with boxes in place of a table. One time, they "lost" Rookie because he was hiding in one of the boxes.

"Cameras?"

"Action!" Astra joked (You know, lights, camera, action? Lame, I know). "The answer is yes." She nodded her head to the camera crew, standing by. _Note to self, _she scribbled down, _Don't let Rookie anywhere near the blue penguin with the weird fear of propeller hats._

"Rookie away from that weird blue penguin?"

"Skye isn't flipping out right now, is he?" Astra countered.

"And...I guess we're all set," Dot said, finished with the list. "Alright, so all you do is control Rookie over your headset and get the others in line if they get a bit wild. Everyone has their little blue ear clip on so they can hear you."

"_That's_ what I saw Rookie trying to chew earlier?" Astra inquired, glancing around the set. Sure enough, Rookie was still trying to eat the clip. "Yeah, we're going to need another one. ROOKIE! QUIT EATING THE EQUIPMENT! THAT'S SUPPOSED TO GO ON YOUR EAR SO YOU CAN HEAR ME WHEN YOU'RE ON AIR IN CASE YOU MESS UP OR SOMETHING!"

"Oops, sorry," Rookie called sheepishly. "I thought it was some sort of _really_ hard candy." He tried to attach it to his ear, but Astra waved a flipper.

"Never mind," she groaned. Dot rushed off to find another one. "You broke it. Dot's getting you a new one."

"Why did we agree to let him do this again?" Jet Pack Guy asked, struggling to carry a box of extra film for the camera crew.

Astra put her clipboard down on the table and helped him carry it to Skye. Who knew film was so heavy? "Because the rest of us weren't interested or didn't get the memo. Lake Blue went to Australia and Jessie and Mewcat are taking some extra classes for a test they have to take. No one knows when Lake Blue will come back, and it's probably not a good idea to interrupt Jessie and Mewcat's studying until it's over. I have no idea why everyone else didn't agree."

"Fair enough," Jet Pack Guy shrugged. The two of them dropped the box in front of Skye, who jumped from the noise. "Here's the extra film you guys requested," Jet Pack Guy said before walking off.

"We have another problem," Skye whispered timidly. Astra motioned for him to go on. "Well, uh, you see, one of the camera's lens cracked."

"Then use the other cameras," Astra snapped, annoyed at the stupid statement. She waved her flipper around the set. "There are thousands just lying around."

"Oh yeah," Skye remembered. Astra rolled her eyes. Skye may be a professional, but he was pretty stupid sometimes.

Suddenly, the lights turned off, and then back on. The pattern repeated several times. Astra picked up her clipboard and added, _Fix lights. _She already had to deal with the propeller phobia, Rookie in general, Jet Pack Guy's broken jet pack that had to be locked up in a closet since it went bezerk and was a danger to everyone on set, PH's puffles, and a missing Gary who was last seen rushing to the bathroom after eating a cupcake. He was probably throwing up or something. She didn't even eat lunch yet, and it was three o'clock in the afternoon.

_Why did I agree to this again?_ she wondered. _Oh yeah. I need some money to pay some fees. Why do I need to pay my fees again?_

_So you can go to medical school! _another voice in her head reminded her. _You decided since the EPF here doesn't have a medical unit, you would create one after getting a Doctor in medicine!_

"Astra!" someone shouted from the fuse box. "Something's wrong with the lights! They're flicking on and off randomly!"

"Gee, you think I didn't notice?" Astra yelled back sarcastically.

"Astra!" another penguin called. "The coffee machine's broken!"

"And?" Astra questioned. "There's, like, _five other coffee machines!_"

"Astra!" Dot came running over. "The guest wants a whole new wardrobe! What should I do?"

"Tell whoever it is too bad, so sad," Astra replied. "Who cares about what you wear?" Astra herself was wearing an old, white shirt she splattered paint on (I actually did have a shirt like that before it went in the wash), a paint-smeared black tie, faded jeans, and faded gray high tops.

"Astra!" That was Rookie this time. "I'm stuck in the flipper-chair!" (Since penguins have flippers rather than arms)

"Jet, go help him!" Astra ordered, frustrated. "How the heck do you get stuck in an flipper-chair?"

"I dropped my ear piece in between the chair and tried to get it, but my flipper got stuck!"

"Astra!"

"Astra!"

"Astra!"

"ASTRA!"

"QUIT IT!" Astra exploded. Everyone grew quiet, except for Jet Pack Guy and Rookie. They were having trouble getting Rookie unstuck.

Astra pointed her pen at the penguin at the fuse box. "You, go find Gary to help you if he's finished puking. Coffee machine gal, I don't _care_ if it's your favorite coffee machine, aren't they all the same? **[****How do you have a favorite coffee machine?] **Dot, tell that guest to quit complaining or he/she/they/it/whatever gets kicked out. PH, _please_ round up the puffles before we have any more surprises. Hey, slacker boy! Your break ended twenty minutes ago! Aren't you supposed to be checking to see no one snuck in?"

"Well done, Astra." The said penguin turned around to see Aunt Arctic approaching. "Your leadership skills are quite exceptional. There's no question why you're the director of this."

"Corrections: (a) _You're_ the director and (b) didn't you put Dot in charge?" Astra asked.

_CRASH!_

Astra groaned. For once, she couldn't wait to go to school.

* * *

**What do you think so far?**


	2. Episode One: Part One

**And we're back!**

**I checked my reviews and laughed at Lilly Aldean's. Go read it!**

* * *

"Welcome back to Club Penguin Talk Show!" Rookie said, surprising Astra. Earlier, during the first part, Rookie almost messed up because he forgot his line. _That_ had been a close call. Either way, the penguin he had been interviewing was pretty boring. Princess-something-or-the-other-Astra-couldn't-rem ember just talked about herself and how great she was or something like that. Astra didn't even make it halfway before falling asleep.

"Our next guest is one everyone probably knows!" Rookie announced after the audience's applause died down, repeating what Astra has forced him to memorize during the break. "Please welcome...um, uh..."

Astra groaned and face-flippered herself. "If everyone knows her, then how do _you_ not know?" she hissed into her microphone. Dot giggled. "Jessie's going to be mad when I tell her."

"Please welcome Jessie9095!" Rookie shouted, gesturing wildly to the door on stage - well, set - left. Unfortunately, he was pointing the wrong way. Jessie entered stage right because that was the entrance door.

"Rookie!" Astra snapped. "Turn around! That's the exit!"

"Oh, uh...I meant to do that!" Rookie told his audience. It didn't really matter because the penguins were too busy laughing.

Jessie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you totally did."

"So, Jessie, how's your studying going?" Rookie asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Well-"

"That's great!" Rookie exclaimed. Astra rolled her eyes. Typical Rookie. He settled back on his chair, propping his webbed feet up on the other. "Now, why are you standing?"

"Because your feet are on the chair I'm supposed to be sitting on," Jessie replied, annoyed. She pushed them off and sat down, but knocked Rookie off his own chair in the process. His propeller hat rolled over to Skye, who opened his beak to scream. Fortunately, Astra slapped a flipper over Skye's beak, muffling the scream. She kicked the propeller hat back on set. Jessie picked it up and gave it back to Rookie.

"Okay then, why don't we talk about the cases you solved?" Rookie suggested, adjusting his hat as he sat back down on his seat.

Jessie shrugged. "You're the host. Fire away."

The two of them went back and forth during the interview, but then PH's puffle ran onto the set.

"Oh look, a puffle," Jessie noticed, picking it up. "This reminds me of my first mission, when I had to search for Aunt Arctic's green and purple puffles."

"How many puffles do you have?" Rookie inquired.

"Why do you need to know?" Jessie shot back.

"Back to the missions, then," Rookie said, not wanting to get into an argument with her. "What was the worst moment during one of your cases?"

"When I found out you stole my Spy Phone from Mewcat and called my sister," Jessie sulked (reference to my first story, _The Runaways_).

"Eh, he, he." Rookie gave the audience an embarrassed look.

"I mean, who would scream random stuff such as 'I like pie' when they're talking on the phone with someone's sibling?" Jessie continued. "Unless you're Astra, who blabs about unrelated topics sometimes, it's just weird."

"Hey!" Astra protested, not caring that everyone with a blue earpiece - including Jessie - could hear her. "I don't blab - well, actually it's true, but _still!_ You do that too! Can't exactly blame me if I'm being influenced by other penguins around me."

Jessie smirked slightly, but a crash came from the closet with Jet Pack Guy's jet pack.

"You have to be kidding me," Astra groaned. She tugged her headset off and shoved it in Jet's flippers. "If Rookie says or does anything stupid, yell at him through the mic."

"But my baby!" Jet Pack Guy whined, referring to his jet pack. Astra rolled her eyes. This guy was emotionally attached to his jet pack (reference to Bellykid5's _Famous Advice_). It was like he couldn't go a second without it, which is probably why he's called Jet Pack Guy (Hey, don't blame me for just realizing! I came from the Arctic, remember?).

"Man up!" Astra snapped before going to deal with the jet pack. "If you don't want excuses to yell at Rookie, give the headset to Dot!"

Astra headed to the closet and walked in quickly before the jet pack could fly out. She took out her Spy Phone and used it as a flashlight.

"What the-?!" Astra ducked as the jet pack flew past her head, missing her by about a millimeter. It let out a shudder but kept flying around the small room before crashing into a wire rack shelf, sending cleaning supplies raining on Astra. She must've got hit by at least three bottles of Windex, a small bottle of Clorax bleach (at least it wasn't the giant kinds), two boxes of laundry detergent, and a package of plastic gloves.

"I hate my job," Astra grumbled, holding down the jet pack. She flicked the switch to off. It finally gave up and turned off. Astra let out a sigh of relief and started picking up the cleaning supplies.

Dragging the jet pack behind her, Astra opened thousands of doors before finding Gary in one of the storage rooms. "Here," she said, tossing the jet pack into the room. "Fix whatever's wrong with it and return it to Jet before he has a meltdown. Oh, and don't eat any more of those cupcakes before you puke again." With that, she grabbed the box of pink frosted cupcakes.

Shutting the door, Astra hurried back to the set to see Jet Pack Guy and Dot arguing about something, tugging the headset back and forth.

"What's going on?" Astra demanded.

"He started it!" Dot accused, pointing at Jet Pack Guy.

"No, you did!" he argued, pointing at her.

"It's your fault that you fed Rookie the wrong line on purpose!" Dot claimed, tugging the headset to herself (Don't be greedy!).

"But the audience liked it!" Jet Pack Guy, pulling the headset back to himself (Hey! Just because she decided to act selfish doesn't mean you get to also!). "What's the harm of making him look like a fool? He already does that to himself."

Astra snatched the headset from their flippers and put it back on, lowering the microphone away from her beak. "It doesn't matter, because I'm using the headset now! Eat some cupcakes and get over it!"

"What about my baby?" Jet Pack Guy complained, taking a cupcake. "Is she okay?"

"I gave the jet pack to G so he can fix the problem," Astra replied, handing the box to PH. She rubbed the spot where the Windex hit her head. "Your precious little baby crashed into the shelf with the cleaning supplies on it, knocking all sorts of bottles and packages on my head! Three metal Windex canisters, dude! It's a miracle that I don't have a concussion!"

"Why are there Puffle O's in the cupcakes?" PH wondered aloud, staring at the cupcake she broke in half. She sniffed the baked good. "Hey, the icing and the bread are made of O-Berries." PH cradled the puffle in her lap and fed it a bit of the cupcake.

"WHAT?" Jet Pack Guy stared at his cupcake before dropping it on the floor and dashing off to the bathroom.

"Don't litter!" Astra called after him, picking up the cupcake and throwing it in the garbage can. "Huh. No wonder Gary was in such a hurry to the bathroom."

"Nice talking to you, Jessie!" Rookie said. He turned to the camera. "Club Penguin Talk Show will be back after the break!"

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**Tune in...tomorrow or two days from now for Club Penguin Talk Show!**


	3. Episode One: Part Two

**First off, I would like to apologize five hundred times for not updating sooner. The wireless network in my room is quite spotty and it's the worst when I try to go on FanFiction.**

**Secondly, when I actually had decent connection and managed to type up Chapter Three, I LOST connection as soon as I hit save.**

**Anyway, here's the next part!**

* * *

"W-Welcome b-b-back t-to Cl-Club Pen-Penguin T-Talk Sh-Show!" Rookie stammered, trying to sound as enthusiastic as he could. His face was a darker shade of green than usual.

"I _told_ you not to eat those cupcakes," Astra hissed into her microphone. During the break, Astra found a megaphone and decided to annoy everyone by running around the set, screaming, "WHATEVER YOU DO, _DON'T_ EAT THE CUPCAKES WITH PINK FROSTING ON THEM!" It took the combined efforts of Jessie, PH, and Dot to stop her. Unfortunately, Rookie either chose to ignore her or had short-term memory because he consumed at least _five_ of those cupcakes, and he didn't make it to the bathroom in time.

"Our next guest is Candygirl4226!" Rookie announced, pointing to the correct door. Oddly enough, no one came out.

"TigerStar, HawkFrost, get back here!" a female voice yelled. Suddenly, the door opened and two cats ran out.

"CATS!" Rookie shrieked in excitement, picking one up and hugging it tightly. It's eyes looked like they were going to pop out.

"Rookie!" Astra scolded. "Are you trying to choke the cat to death?" She was already mad at Rookie for the amount of puke he had left on the floor. It was disgusting, and she was the only one willing to clean it. Jet Pack Guy was sitting in the corner, rocking back and forth with an insane look on his face from jet pack withdrawal (Kind of like me when I don't get to listen to music. Now THAT'S terrifying).

"What's that smell?" Jessie asked, making a face. She decided to stay after her interview to watch the other penguins talking to Rookie.

"Puke mixed with bleach," Astra groaned, continuing to bleach the floor. "You could always help."

"Why didn't you just use that powder thing?" Astra gave her a questioning look. "Basically, you pour it on the liquid and each individual grain of powder absorbs the puke, becoming small orbs you can easily sweep up. Plus, it smells like lemons" (That stuff actually exists. I had to clean the bathroom at camp, and we just used that to soak up the water. It was so cool).

Astra paused. "Is that what I saw Rookie stirring into a cup of water to make lemonade? No wonder all the water just disappeared, replaced by little orbs." Rookie had freaked out when he saw what his "lemonade" became. Not even Gary knew why that happened.

"Okay then..." Jessie trailed off, shaking her head in disappointment.

The interview with Candygirl was mostly about cats and the _Warriors_ series. Astra had no idea what they were talking about because she never read the books (Don't kill me, Candygirl!). Now she was wishing she paid attention whenever Mewcat talked about it in elementary school.

The Director looked bored as well, but she always managed to snap back to attention just before she was about to fall asleep.

"Rookie, change the subject," Astra said, dumping the rest of the bleach into the sink. "We're all getting pretty bored."

"Let's talk about Pokémon!" Rookie shouted suddenly (Because everyone loves Pokémon!). He started singing the Pokémon theme song for season one very off-key.

_"I wanna be the very best_  
_That no one ever was_  
_To catch them is my real test_  
_To train them is my cause"_

Candygirl, surprisingly, sang along with him.

_"I will travel across the land_  
_Searching far and wide_  
_Each Pokémon to understand_  
_The power that's inside"_

Soon enough, the audience began singing the Pokémon theme song too.

"Er, what's going on?" Gary returned from the storage room he was in and handed Jet Pack Guy back his jet pack. "And what's the horrible smell?"

Astra patted his shoulder and led him to the spot where Rookie threw up. "That, my friend, is the result of the odor of puke and scent of bleach, courtesy of Rookie, the cupcakes, and the penguin who made the cupcakes."

G turned green. "I think I'm going to be sick!" With that, he ran off to the bathroom.

"Be sure to clean up your own puke if you don't make it to the bathroom!" Astra called after him. Rookie heard her through his ear piece and looked confused, but oddly enough, he sang that in place of a line of the Pokémon theme song. Candygirl gave him a look that read, _What the heck was that?_ Rookie's expression became embarrassment as the audience burst out laughing, some penguins taking ROFL seriously.

"Do you always have to make a fool of yourself on live television?" Astra grumbled.

"Ooh, a cupcake!" Candygirl noticed, reaching for a dreaded pink frosted cupcake.

"NO!" everyone part of the crew shouted in unison as Rookie slapped the cupcake away. Unfortunately, Candygirl's cat HawkFrost took a bite of the cupcake. All of the penguins tensed, waiting for the cat to vomit.

"Nothing...happened?" Jet Pack Guy asked, regaining his composure after getting his jet pack back. Astra, though, managed to get a video of him in the corner, rocking back and forth with a crazed look as he murmured, "Jet pack. Need jet pack. Jet pack. Need jet pack."

_More blackmail material for me!_ she thought gleefully. Astra still had that recording of Jet Pack Guy and Rookie shrieking like little girls (Reference to my first story). She used that to get Jet Pack Guy to ruin an annoying acquaintance's birthday party so she wouldn't have to go, but it was pretty funny when Jet Pack Guy came back to the HQ covered in pizza, cake, fruit punch, and soda.

The cat strolled out of camera view when it suddenly vomited up the cupcake and whatever it had for lunch today.

"I'm not cleaning that up," Astra announced, holding out a mop and bucket of bleach for another penguin to take. Reluctantly, Jessie took the cleaning supplies and began on the mess.

"We have bigger problems than that," PH noticed, gesturing to Rookie and Candygirl. The two of them were arguing over something, and it looked like they were going to start wrestling each other. Despite the situation, Astra bet that Candygirl would win a fight against Rookie easily. That penguin lost a fight to a refrigerator, breaking a flipper in the process!

"Rookie, we're coming to an end!" Astra snapped. "At least close up before you and Candygirl get into a fight!"

"That's all the time we have for today, folks!" Rookie growled, not even turning to look at the camera. "Tune in next time for another episode of Club Penguin Talk Show!"

"And...cut!" Aunt Arctic yelled just as the two penguins started fighting.

Everyone turned to Astra, as if expecting her to do something.

"What?" Astra asked. Dot pointed to Rookie, who was pinned in a headlock by Candygirl. "Ugh, fine," Astra grumbled, running over to them.

_I hate my job._

* * *

**So school's going to start soon, and I have to take this really important test on literally the second month of school that will determine my future, but I'm most likely going to fail. I'll try to update before then.**

**I was going to say something else, but I forgot...**


End file.
